Family Security Matters » Publications » Exclusive: Good Ol’ Joe – Oops, He Did It Again!

Family Security Matters » Publications » Exclusive: Good Ol’ Joe – Oops, He Did It Again!

Say what you want about President Obama, he sure knows how to pick a running mate. No matter how inexperienced, incompetent, or indecisive Obama may seem, he still looks like George Washington compared to his vice president, Clueless Joe Biden. In the past five months, Biden has given himself foot-in-mouth disease so often that the Center for Disease Control has declared his office a HAZMAT area. Biden’s aides have even been ordered to wear masks and shoe coverings to prevent the increasing pandemic. Of course, FEMA was also going to be placed on standby status, but in typical fashion, their phones are always off the hook.

While many of the vice president’s verbal gaffes turn out to be harmless personal embarrassments that are usually ridiculed by talk show hosts and ignored by the media, his most recent flub received a lot of attention. If the media reports are correct, Uncle Joe outdid himself this time. While Biden was speaking at the Gridiron Club dinner, he regaled everyone with the tale of the secret vice presidential
bunker.

Apparently, Biden missed the part about the bunker being secret.

The only justification for such an idiotic outburst could be ignorance. Biden probably didn’t expect anyone to report his slip up. Unfortunately for Slow Joe, the story immediately made national headlines.

Eleanor Clift, Newsweek magazine's Washington contributing editor, said Biden revealed the location while filling in for President Obama at the dinner, who, along with Grover Cleveland, is the only president to skip the gathering.

According to Clift's report on the Newsweek blog, Biden "said a young naval officer giving him a tour of the residence showed him the hideaway, which is behind a massive steel door secured by an elaborate lock with a narrow connecting hallway lined with shelves filled with communications equipment."

Clift continued: "The officer explained that when Cheney was in lock down, this was where his most trusted aides were stationed, an image that Biden conveyed in a way that suggested we shouldn't be surprised that the policies that emerged were off the wall."

It is always dangerous when someone like Joe Biden describes another person’s policies as “off the wall.” Biden has made a career out of embarrassing gaffes, humiliating acts, and offensive statements. Remember the Indian-American 7-11/Dunkin Donuts slur? Remember the accusation of plagiarism during his failed 1988 presidential campaign? And just about everyone remembers Biden saying to wheelchair-bound State Sen. Chuck Graham to “Stand up, Chuck, and let ‘em see ya!”

Sadly, the bunker incident was not the only secret the vice president spoiled that night. Media sources published a few other verbal blunders made by Mr. Biden, and all of them were equally newsworthy. The following information is classified, so you may want to keep it under your hat.

During the pre-dinner meet and greet, the vice-president was discussing current events. When an attendee brought up the subject of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s alleged knowledge of waterboarding, Biden went off: “You know, it’s funny,” Biden began. “Madame Speaker probably doesn’t want this publicized, but she has a secret BOTOX room inside the base of the Golden Gate Bridge. This way, in the event of a catastrophic shortage, she can still look like a 25-year old in an 85-year old’s body.”

The vice-president even admitted that congress has a nickname for this facility: Fort Botulism.

Cocktail Hour became a hotbed of activity when Vice-President Biden entered the room. Everyone wanted to see just what Uncle Joe would say next. He did not disappoint. While enjoying a glass of fine champagne, Biden revealed yet another state secret: The government is behind those super-cute cat photo websites.

“Americans of every race, creed, and color can enjoy those photos, and it helps people cope with the stress of everyday life under the Obama administration,” Biden said. “Look, after we raise your taxes, curtail your freedom, and impound your pets, you will need something to make you feel better. These sites help you accomplish just that.”

The name for this classified project: I Can Haz HopeChange?

And finally, a few minutes after the bunker revelation, the vice-president unleashed the answer to the American citizen’s most burning question. The dinner guests were shocked to learn that the JFK assassination was an elaborate hoax designed to release the president from his failing marriage. Kennedy and his current wife – Marilyn Monroe – are alive and well and living in Wayne, Pennsylvania. They have four kids, 22 grandchildren, and a Boston terrier named Fidel. Biden was about to elaborate further, when his chief of staff finally intervened and distracted him with something shiny.

Now naturally, most sensible people realize that there are protections in place for the president, the vice-president and the congress. The fact that there is a secure bunker for our politicians should not surprise anyone. However, considering the threats we are facing from home and abroad, is it really a good idea to publicize the location and the details of these facilities?

If your name is Joe Biden, the answer to that question seems to be “Yes.”