Good afternoon, everyone. My name is Bobby Jindal and I am proud to be serving as the governor of the great state of Louisiana, although that may seem like an odd statement considering my state’s recent troubles. Take New Orleans, for example. The town is so crime-infested that gangster rappers roll up their windows when they cross the city limits. It’s so bad that during Mardi Gras, drunken revelers don’t throw beads off balconies anymore. They throw handguns!
The debacle that was Hurricane Katrina did not win us many Facebook friends, either. You would think that after given ample warning that the storm of the century was bearing down upon us, the local and state government wouldn’t spend their time accessorizing their rain ensembles. Here’s a fashion tip for ya, Sen. Landrieu: Nothing goes with a purple raincoat!
And yes, we have apologized for Britney Spears time and again. If we had known that she would turn into a ranting, raving loon, we would have revoked her Louisiana privileges. Considering nonsense such as this, you can see why we are fighting to restore our state’s good name. It is an uphill battle.
Since I have taken office, I have done my very best to transform my state into America’s Showplace. Just as things were starting to turn around, however, fate kicked us in the groin. Two weeks ago, an explosion rocked the Deepwater Horizon; an offshore oil rig located about 40 miles off our southern coast. More than two dozen workers were either killed or injured, and millions of gallons of oil have leaked into the Gulf of Mexico. What’s worse is that the federal government took its sweet time responding to the disaster. Again.
The Obama administration’s response was slower than a crawdad in a snowstorm. There is simply no justification for a week-long delay, and many news outlets agreed. In fact, the outrage against the administration has grown so large that the New York Times posted a scathing editorial. That’s right, The New York Times!
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